Husband’s napping drives sleep-deprived 28-year-old stay-at-home mom to breaking point: ‘I think a nap just ruined my marriage’

Author image for Etai Eshet
Etai Eshet • Editor
Apr 8, 2025 6:00 AM EDT

The straw that breaks the camel's back can be the smallest, most unexpected thing. And when it comes to marriage, sometimes the camel's humps aren't filled with water, the healing properties of the desert, but with layers and layers of resentment? It's no wonder that this young mother's camel's back snapped, not only because the straw sat on top of a million other straws, but because her emotional well was already dry.

In practically all relationships, there's a fine line between the final nail in the coffin and the icing on the cake. Sometimes, it's not the tipping point but the tipping scale that gets you, where every little thing starts to feel like it's weighing you down. Like the stay-at-home mom at the center of today's story, who's in a marriage where every conversation feels like a perfect storm of misunderstanding, leaving both parties burned out and wondering if they've reached the end of the rope.

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  • For this young couple, a simple nap became the last straw that brought everything crashing down. It was the cherry on top of a sundae filled with emotional neglect, in-laws' interference, and a general feeling of being left high and dry. The conversation that followed was a literal wake-up call, but also showed that even in the darkest of times, there’s a glimmer of hope.

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  • I'll probably delete this is the morning but I need to scream into the void. I've been married for under a year but with my husband for 6. We have a 3 month old little girl who's fantastic. I'm a first time mom who's a SAHM. My husband WFH.
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  • I 28F am married to 30M.
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  • My husband's not dumb just emotionally inept sometimes. I've had a lot of resentment building since I was pregnant. His mom tormented me through my pregnancy by talking about
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  • miscarriages, still births, and saying 'de d baby' to me every time my husband wasn't around. She denied, he sympathized with me, but nothing was truly ever done.
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  • Since I gave birth my husband's just been clueless. When I was there recovering he would go home and sleep and leave me all alone because the couch was uncomfortable. I had to call him 20 times to get him to wake up
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  • and come back to the hospital because I was lonely. Then when we left he was asking me to carry things to the car with him. The nurse had to tell him I shouldn't carrying anything, I'd just given birth.
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  • When we got home he complained about his lack of sleep. I was struggling learning how to nurse. He was my cheerleader through nursing, I have to give him credit there. As the first two months went by I
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  • was consistently bawling about how sleep deprived I was while he was getting 8-10 hours of uninterrupted sleep every night. It caused a lot of fights because I couldn't hear him tell me he was 'exhausted' without having a
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  • meltdown. Then his mom would come over and they'd leave a huge mess for me to clean on more than one occasion. He complained about the basement being messy so I helped him lift
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  • things and clean it up. It caused me to start blding heavily and my doctor told me I shouldn't be lifting anything heavy. This is a point of contention because my
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  • husband continuously asked me to help him lift heavy things and I couldn't; so he'd get annoyed. Then he'd complain about it all day.
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  • Now we're at month 3 and I think my marriage is over. We've been distant ever since baby arrived and I haven't wanted to have s or be affectionate. Husband has been asking if I'm alright a lot and I say I'm fine. I don't know what
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  • else to say. But I feel miserable and tense up every time he walks in the same room as me. Today he was on my case about walking our dog. I'm so exhausted from exclusively breast feeding and I don't have the energy to walk her. I had been up since 2:30am
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  • with my baby and just couldn't handle anything else on my plate. So he whined and moaned about doing it but promised me I could nap. I snapped and reminded him that I haven't slept a full 8 hours in months. He got pissy and stormed off.
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  • He avoided me the entire day and locked himself in his office. I spent the rest of the day randomly breaking down in full blown sobs because I was so tired. 11pm hits and he hasn't
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  • come out of his office so I finally break and go get him. He gives me the cold shoulder and I just break down. All the lack of support just broke me. I told him I hated him, I wish I could go
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  • home, and I even mentioned divorce. He calmed me down and apologized for being selfish. When I asked what he did all day he said he napped.
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  • He napped the whole day.
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  • While I was struggling to keep myself standing he was napping. I broke down. I cried and cried. He was apologetic and showering me in sorry's and I love you's. For the first time ever I couldn't tell him I loved him too. Now it's 2am and I can't sleep because I'm so
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  • distraught. He's snoring next to me and I just hate him right now. I want to take my baby and run away. I don't want to live here anymore. Being a single mom seems easier than dealing with all this emotional stress and neglect.
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  • What am I suppose to do? I just can't believe I'm ready to leave him all because he took a nap.
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  • Update: I fixed the FTM - it means first time mom not female to male.
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  • So we talked. Well, I talked he listened. I told him I couldn't do this anymore and something needed to change immediately or I was going to go back home and take my baby with me. He stared at me confused but then he realized I had two bags packed by my dresser and ready to leave.
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  • I finally was able to articulate all the resentment that had been building. His mom's cruel and careless behavior, feeling abandoned at the hospital and now at home, how it feels that everything falls on to me so he can bring a paycheck home. I realized after saying all this I hadn't really told him how I was feeling but just continued to bottle it up.
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  • He was defensive at first and I gave him one warning that if this conversation was filled with excuses, I'm walking out. So he stopped and truly listened. He was genuinely remorseful. He only said sorry once at the end, and he meant it. Then he started asking me what I needed him to do.
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  • We made a plan and I finally feel like I can breathe a little easier. He has dog walks handled indefinitely. MIL is banned from the house and to have no contact with me or my baby. Once husband's off work I'm off duty
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  • for the day. I'll still breast feed because I want to do that. I get a lot of fulfillment out of it and if you saw the way my baby pats when she nurses you my would too. Her big hazel eyes are like a drug.
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  • I'm typing this while soaking in a warm bath. I've been promised the weekend to decompress and sleep until my hearts content. I'll pump instead of nurse this weekend and we have a stash of frozen milk he is planning on using. He knows what needs to be done, her routine, how much
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  • to feed her, so I know he's capable. I can actually hear him unloading the dishwasher right now. We are planning on doing something as a couple one day out of each weekend so I don't feel like just a mom. I can be a person too. We are going to go to couples counseling and I'm going to start individual therapy. (He's already in therapy)
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  • He didn't have a dad who showed him what love looked like. He had an adult toddler as a father who threw tantrums and verbally abused him and his mother. My husband often comments on how my dad drops everything in a nano second for me and how he wants to be like that. But he's not. He's failing me and his daughter. That was really tough for him to hear.
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  • So, now we take it day by day. If he's actually capable of change, I'll have to wait and see. My bags are still packed and by the door. I guess I have them there as a reminder to myself that leaving is an option at any moment I please. That makes me feel a little better. I'm hopeful but not delusional. I know we might not be able to come back from this, and that's okay. I have to take
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  • care of myself so my little girl has a mama who smiles at things besides her. I have an appointment scheduled for a PPD screening and my mom's planning on visiting the start of next month. My family is ready with their door wide open when I choose to come home. Made me cry to hear my dad tell me he'll be on the first flight when I'm ready so I don't have to fly home alone.
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stay at home mom marriage mother wife moms married life parenting husband advice dad new parents red flags red flag mom parents first time mom Father
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